so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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