just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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