those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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