highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
