sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
