So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
