Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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