Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We were destined to go to rehab together
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
