Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
