I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
