Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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