Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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