Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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