I just made out with a guy for $7.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
