Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
