Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
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I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
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When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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