I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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