It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
