and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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