Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
