if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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