I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
