Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
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This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
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You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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