Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
