You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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