I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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