Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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