Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
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How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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