you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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