well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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