At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
