Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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