no, he came in my armpit
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
