he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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