I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
