20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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