I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
