i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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