thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
