recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
