So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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