I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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