He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
