I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
