I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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