ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize