I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
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i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
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too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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