Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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