Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
