I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
