What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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