I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize