Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
