Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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