so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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