My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
