FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
