You smell like a Billy Joel song
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
